A Dizzy Mess
by Sybariticfanfiction
Summary: Welcome to cliche AU hell, now with vampires. There's really nothing else to be said. {it says hurt/comfort but I assure you it's just gonna be comfort bc goodness knows the Horsemen need some comfort}
1. Chapter 1

**I have mad respect for people who can resist the urge to start a new fic until they finish their first one.**

 **Like seriously, good for you. I don't know how you do it but damn.**

 **But anyway**

 **who wants a cliche Vampire! AU?**

 **(Me and North apparently)**

 **now who wants a cliche _polyamorous_ vampire AU because that's what this is gonna be. I love the Horsemen, I mean... I can't choose one and my friend and I _the best_ poly headcanons. **

**We'll get a full vamp exposé probably in the next chap, but you're totally welcome to make your own headcanons :3c in fact, if you wanna write your own vamp AU, I would be so down.**

 **Speaking of which, I should really make a new personal account on ff. So I can reveiw and fav stuff again, you know.**

 **Hm...**

 **The title is from a song, ofc. What did you expect. Originality?**

 **! ! ! ! small warning for mentions of alcohol ! ! and the usual vamp stuff ! ! I mean. It's not explicit _yet,_ but its implied protag/you get bitten. **

**Also for like... Suggestiveness? Idk man I was feelin frisky.**

 **Hope you have a super awesome day! ! Or night! Or whatever! Have a good one.**

* * *

You wake up with a killer headache and a heavy arm draped across your midsection, neither of which you can remember signing up for when you joined bookclub.

It takes you a second to recall someone suggesting going clubbing after the discussion of Pride and Prejudice. _Surprise, surprise_ , it wasn't that interesting. You told them that's a high school English class book for a reason.

Unfortunately you _cannot_ remember how many shots you downed between the much more palatable cocktails.

Opening your eyes (yep, that's definitely _your_ glow-in-the-dark star covered ceiling), you try to stretch out and find your legs all twisted up with someone else's.

" _Oh no_ , no, no, no," You slowly look to the side, both because you hope they're a hungover hallucination (unlikely), and because moving too fast makes you dizzy.

There, in _your_ bed, using one of _your_ pillows, is probably the prettiest girl you've ever laid eyes on. Even with messy hair and a smudged make up, she could probably win miss universe.

"Oh." Is all you can manage for a second, completely freezing in place.

Why such a person has her arm around your waist is beyond you.

Why both of you are more or less fully dressed also alludes you, to be perfectly honest. Granted, the floofy, high waisted skirt your wore is all kinds of bunched up around your hips and your shirt is wrinkled to hell and untucked, but _still_. The stranger doesn't seem to be in much better condition, although her jeans and halter top aren't really wrinkle-able.

You move again, trying to get up without waking her and she doesn't stir in the slightest. _She's out-cold_ , you realize, lips pulling into a frown. _What am I gonna do now?_

Getting to your feet sends a wave of dizziness through you, and you steady yourself on the nightstand. "Wow, okay." You try to blink away the black spots in your vision. That... Is not usually what a hangover feels like.

You stumble into the bathroom, praying that your roommate likewise had an... adventurous night and isn't home.

The stranger, from what you can hear, doesn't stir as you try to remedy yourself. First, a shower, and then you glance yourself over in the mirror. Your hair is just as gnarled as you expected, and you look paler than usual, but you are recovering from being black-out drunk. You thank whatever god is watching over you that you aren't the type to get sick after drinking too much.

It isn't until you're yanking a brush through your hair that you notice the pretty obvious mark on your neck.

A mark that is _definitely not_ a hickey.

If you didn't know any better (and you do) you'd say it... Was... A _bite mark_. And not a human bite mark. The two distinct, scabbed over holes in your neck are proof enough of that.

For a moment all you do is stare, trying to put together the pieces.

"Okay..." You say slowly, prodding the bruising around your wound. "There's a stranger in my bed. And I seem to have done some kinky shit, but... That doesn't mean she's..."

Your inner middle school self is practically sobbing right about now, but you ignore them.

There's no way.

None.

Not a fuckin chance.

You _did not_ invite a vampire to bed.

You finish yanking a brush through your hair as you mentally go through what else this could all mean, and the stranger is still curled up in your bed when you get back. Hasn't even moved her arm, which is still outstretched to accommodate yourself.

 _Oh_. That's so cute. Oh, gosh.

You quickly shuffle over to your closest, wondering if a turtleneck is acceptable for the middle of spring. Goodness knows you don't have concealer handy, given how expensive that stuff is. It's never very really been a problem in the past...

You yank on a pair of skinnies without much more debate, and settle for a fancier top with brilliant designs that you hope will distract from the mark on your neck. The girl is still passed out when you return, and you're beginning to wonder if something's wrong with her.

"I should... Make breakfast." You decide, slowly backing out.

It's... Harder than you expected to forget about her while you make a quick toast and jam breakfast, and you end up burning one side of your toast. The cheap as hell pan doesn't help anything either. You warned your roommate that asking for a toaster last Christmas would be a good idea, but she, of course, wanted a PS4.

Not that you haven't enjoyed it, but _seriously,_ Nat?

You sort of doubt the stranger in your bed will want toast, but it seems rude to just make enough for yourself. You make another two pieces just in case, and head back to your room with a coffee cup clutched in your hands. You don't think your body could quite handle caffeine at the moment, so its filled with homemade hot chocolate.

"Okay..." You hum, glancing around. Your room, all things considered, is fairly clean. Sure, there's the odd sock thrown off the the side, and your dirty launders basket is looking to overflow, but its much better than your roomie's. The walls are almost completely blank, seeing as this _is_ a rental, but you've taken to writing yourself sticky note reminders and never taking them down.

As for the previously mentioned stars on your ceiling, you've been meaning to remove those since you moved in. Apparently this used to be a kid's room, which also explains the flower box in your windowsill. You have absolutely no idea what the flowers are called, but you like them well enough.

Speaking of which, you probably forgot to water them last night...

You set your mug down on the nightstand as you make your way to the window, grabbing one of the half finished water bottle you keep specially for this purpose.

You didn't really expect your stranger to react, given the noise you've been making, but only seconds after you push the double layered curtains aside and look over your flowers, she's...

 _Hissing_ , is the only word you can come up with.

You look over at her with concern, "Wha-"

"Close that!" She snarls, words still slurred with sleep. She's up on one elbow now, the other arm used to shield her face from the sunlight. If you didn't know better, you would say her skin is already beginning to burn.

You glance at the curtains and back to her before yanking them closed. "Better?" You asked slowly.

She bares her teeth in reply, bringing her arm back down and relaxing. She groans, "Ugh. What in the-" Her head snaps up again, glowing eyes locked on you. " _Oh, no_."

The familiar 'oh no' makes your lips quirk, and you abruptly realize she's just as confused by this situation at you are.

"I..." She starts, glancing around the room as if that'll give her insight. "I am not supposed to be here."

You shrug, and move to grab your cup. Her eyes follow your every movement.

Taking a sip of the chocolatey drink before putting it back down, you prompt, "So, uhhh, I don't remember your name."

"You're not supposed to." She says, oddly candid. Well then. You only stare until she continues, "I am Fury."

"I assume you know my name?" You hum.

She ignores that. Tilting her head to the side and tapping her neck, she asks, "Do you...?"

You mimic the motion, although the tapping is unneeded given your eye catching mark. She sucks in her breath, now even more uncomfortable looking. Muttering something in an unfamiliar language, she gets up on her knees and grabs you by the shoulders. She yanks you closer without a prelude, making you squawk in surprise.

Your torn between relief and disappointment when she doesn't immediately kiss you, only running her fingertips over the injury to your neck.

"I... Oh, Death is going to be livid." She says, her lips curling back into a grimace.

"Death." You repeat, raising an eyebrow. "Sounds pretty spooky."

For a second she seems to forgot her anxiety, barking a short laugh that makes you smile. "He _is_ spooky, I assure you." She confirms, lifting her gaze again. Now, her eyes appear completely normal, ignoring the strange color of her iris. You could've sworn they were completely yellow earlier.

"So..." You say. "You want some toast?"

Her smile is crooked, one side lifting higher than the other. "I do not eat."

"You don't?" Your eyebrows draw together in concern.

She just appears even more amused. "Surely you know what I am by now, human."

You blink. "Look, I know I got wasted, but..."

"You actually did not drink that much. You are... Surprisingly good at calling coin tosses." Fury says, her fingers slipping from your neck down the seem of your shirt and to your waist. You try your damnedest not to shiver. "I believe I was more heavily intoxicated than you were, which is impressive, given my tolerance. Being immortal has given me some time to build it up."

 _Fuck_.

"Oh." You breathe, reeling both from her less than subtle flirting and the revelation.

Your preteen self would be so happy to know you actually end up bedding a vampire.

"Oh." She repeats with a grin. "It seems I am stuck here until night falls."

"I've got work at two." You respond, struggling to come up with a better response.

She glances over at the clock on your nightstand, her smile growing. "We've time to kill then."

* * *

When you get back from work, you half expect and half dread the empty apartment, but Fury greets you at the door with a sly smile. She's wearing the same jeans she woke in and one of your t-shirts now, although its too short for her and leaves a good two inches of her waist uncovered.

You briefly wonder what she did to pass the time, looking up at her curiously. "Hey, stranger. What're you still doing here?"

"Did you not expect me to stay?" She asks, moving one hand to cup your cheek. If it were anyone else you've only known for a day, you'd make some snappy comment about personal space, but she _did_ wake up tangled in your sheets.

Shrugging, you admit, "Not really. But it's not... Unwelcome."

She heaves a sigh, as if your strange human expectations are just tiring. You imagine they are, given how hard it must be for them to keep up with the constant changes. You spent much more time this morning listening to her explain the basics of vampire history than you did kissing her, truthfully (and she didn't bite you again either).

Apparently the problem of her not escaping into the night as planned isn't so much as 'dammit, a human knows about us now' as it is about who Fury herself is.

She's what they call a Horseman, and allegedly she and her siblings are ridiculously powerful keepers of the Balance.

She's not even sure if it is a big deal that you know about her, honestly, because she's never "messed up quite so horribly". You rolled your eyes at that, and she ended up laughing too hard to continue. Something about how no other kingdom would dare display such insolence in her presence.

"Humans are such strange creatures." She says in the present, bringing you back from your revere.

"Thanks." You say dryly, yawning. A full dinner shift really takes it out of you. "What're we doing?"

It takes you a second to realize that question could be interpreted in multiple ways, and Fury has her eyebrows lifted in surprise when you glance up at her.

"Right now, I mean. Not in general." You elaborate.

Her mouth makes a perfect O, her relief evidant. "Get changed." She requests, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "We have to speak with Death before the Council learns of your presence."

"Can we stop for coffee first?" You try to blink away your exhaustion as you make your way over to your room.

"I believe Natalie already heated the water." Fury says behind you, obviously amused.

"Na-" _oh, that's just fucking fantastic_. You raise your voice, " _Natalie_!"

She slams her fist on the wall separating your rooms, but doesn't otherwise respond.

She's a pretty good roommate, all things taken into account. You can't complain, especially considering she pays her rent on time and doesn't mind you filling up the DVR with Disney movies.

Its safe to say you're going to have a _great time_ explaining the Horseman in your apartment though.

You make a shooing motion at said Horseman (who is _thoroughly_ amused by your sense of modesty and pointedly glances at the unmade bed), before pulling on a much prettier outfit. You've gotta admit, meeting the family the day after after a drunken fling is a first for you. You're not quite sure what you're supposed to wear.

You heave a sigh, nearly overcome with the creeping feeling this isn't going to be the only time you're completely at a loss when the Horsemen are involved. There are fun times ahead. You can feel it.

Fury has the measuring spoons dangling off her pinky when you make it back to the kitchen, holding the jar of instant coffee up while she carefully reads the directions and nutrition facts. You don't think you've ever read the directions, to be perfectly honest.

"What're you doing?" You ask, trying not to laugh.

"How much are you supposed to use for a travel mug?" She asks, voice betraying her confusion. She shakes her other hand, making the cup in question rattle. That particular one is actually Natalie's, but she doesn't mind you borrowing dishes as long as you're the one to wash them.

"I think that's like... One and half regulars?" You answer hesitantly, making Fury glance up with a raised eyebrow.

"You do not know." She states.

You shrug and move to grab the carton of milk. You're much less likely to burn yourself when you use milk instead of cream, truthfully. You are simply far too impatient.

"How do you know how much to use if you do not know how much water fits in the cup?" She asks incredulously.

You press your lips together. "Uh, guess work?"

"Wh- the ratios are on the container." She tells you, as if its breaking news.

Smiling as comfortingly as you can currently manage, you take the coffee from her and say, "Babe. No one reads the directions. _No one_."

She falls silent, her eyebrows all scrunched up and one side of her mouth pulled back to reveal her teeth.

You have to hold your breath to keep from laughing at this point, calmly throwing in the correct amount of coffee before adding the water and milk. "Ready to go?" You finally ask, turning back to the scandalized vampire.

"I suppose." She huffs.

You hold out your cup when she glances down at it, "Wanna try?"

"I do not..." She starts, only to agree anyway. She makes a face at the first sip, and you wonder if its too hot. Thankfully her only complaint is, "Is it meant to be so _bitter_?"

Snorting, you tell her, "Don't be a baby."

She only looks confused. "I am eons older than you."

"And yet..." You laugh. "Come on. I wanna meet this brother of yours."


	2. Chapter 2

**I feel like writing a VampAU is just asking for trouble, as an anemic. But at that same time I really love writing this so like... Whatever.**

 **shout out to North for bein super cool**

 **Not as many warnings apply to this chapter! ! Just mentions of the previous things and general vamp stuff. Still no more biting, _unfortunately_. We meet Death though so hell yeah. **

**Hope you all have a gr8 day/night/eternity! ! !**

* * *

 _She has a horse_.

It really shouldn't surprise you, given that she does claim to be a Horseman.

But you're still pretty fricken startled as you look up at the large horse.

"Human?" She says, effortlessly getting onto its back. She tries your name next, smiling encouragingly. "Come along. There's a portal to our realm nearby, but it is faster riding."

You carefully take her offered hand and admit, "I've never rode a horse."

She has the gall to laugh when you make a squeaking noise upon being hoisted up on the horse in front of her. "About time you learn then." She says, wrapping one arm around your waist.

"Are you sure this is... Safe, for a human?" You ask slowly.

"Ye of little faith." She responds teasingly, somehow making that sound half as dorky as it reasonably should.

She spurs the horse on before you can come up with a properly snarky response, and you forget everything aside from _we're moving, oh my god, please don't let me fall_ , and Fury's laughter.

 _Oh, goodness_ , are you in over your head.

It's not an hour later that you're absolutely positive of this.

The Horsemen's Realm, Fury calls it, is apparently an entire world that they've claimed as their own. The main area you're concerned with is their home, which... Honestly seems more like a castle than a cottage.

"Oh my stars." You breathe, allowing Fury to lead you by the hand as you take in her sprawling home. "I thought you said there's only four of you?"

"Yes. We only use a small portion of this." She answers offhandedly.

You blink. "Why'd you build it so big then?"

"We didn't. Long ago, this was a growing world, and it was necessary. After their fall, this place was abandoned. My siblings and I only repaired what we needed after claiming it." She explains.

"How'd it fall?"

Fury stops in her tracks, and just barely you stop your fall.

"Are all humans so inquisitive?" She asks, not looking at you.

 _Wrong question_ , you scold yourself mentally. Stuttering, you tell her, "I don't know? I mean, considering I've only ever been around humans it's pretty hard for me to know what's above average in comparison to other... Things. Maybe?"

That made much more sense in your head.

Shaking her head, she gives you a small smile. "Perhaps later you can tell me, then."

You wonder if she's purposely trying to imply you'll get to spend more time with her.

You sure as hell hope so.

The two of you fall silent after that, Fury leading you through what feels like a maze of corridors into the heart of their home (although that could just be because you have a horrible sense of direction).

It's... Spooky, is the only word you can think of. The hallways Fury leads you down are all lit up and nice, but the side paths don't appear to have been spruced up in ages. They're dark and dusty and some part of you automatically begins compiling a list of things that could be hiding within them. Given how big it looked from the outside, it's a pretty long list.

 _Not comforting._

You do like the design though. It's warm, the walls covered with large seemingly abstract paintings and lit up with what look like candles at first glance but appear to just be a strange type of rock. You wonder if those are naturally occurring, seeing as the castle seems to be all carved from the same type of stone. Like they chiseled the entire thing out of a mountain or something.

That would be fuckin _sick_.

"He should be home, unless I have been gone longer than I assume." Fury suddenly says, her voice making you flinch.

"What?"

"Death. He should be home." Fury repeats. She looks mildly concerned when you glance over at her.

"Sorry. I was admiring the architecture." You admit, making a vague motion.

Her lips tilt up in amusement. "The architecture."

"...yes." You say slowly, wondering what's so entertaining about that statement. Vampires are weird. "It's all made the one piece of rock. So this was either a cave system, or solid rock that they carved a castle from. Either way this must've been a mountain, at one point."

She blinks, apparently startled. "I... Never cared to notice that, but I suppose you're right."

"Vampires are weird." You say decisively.

"To a human." She agrees easily, grabbing your hand. Her hand dwarfs yours, and you have to wonder if her siblings are equally big. Maybe that's a vampire thing too? Or perhaps just a Horsemen thing?

You're sort of relieved when she throws open what appears to be an office door and you see what must be Death. You'd say he's about the same size as Fury.

He's like... Twelve times as intimidating though. _But that might be affected by the whole "she woke up in my bed" thing_. You briefly try to picture drunk you getting the courage to ask her to come home with you.

 _Damn, drunk me, you got game._

"Fury..." Death says, making you snap to attention.

"I have returned." She responds.

Death's unnervingly bright eyes (fully yellow, like Fury's were when she first awoke) flicker back to yourself, "With a guest, it seems."

She takes a deep breath, "I... May've over indulged."

"She crashed in my bed and I burned her arm. Accidentally." You add, watching the girl you've come to know as pretty fricken articulate struggle for words. Death must make her nervous.

You're willing to bet she's a little embarrassed about bringing a human home, too. So both of those things must be really messing her up. You squeeze her hand comfortingly, and she nearly jumps out of her skin.

Oops.

"You accidentally burned my sister's arm." Death says, disbelief lacing every word. He gets to his feet to inspect said burn, which is now no more than a slightly reddened stripe (presumably from when she blocked her face).

"I'm sorry I didn't realize that the girl I found in my bed was allergic to sunlight." You respond just as bitingly, your head tilted up defiantly. Maybe not the best plan, you know, but he doesn't immediately kill you so... Score one for the human.

He seems much more concerned with the mark on your neck anyway, and Fury lets out a harsh hiss that has the hair on your arms standing up.

"Calm down." Death scoffs. "I expect as much from _Strife_ , but you?

"Fury." You say quietly, trying to comfort her. _Someone_ has to, _Death_. You glare at him out of the corner of your eyes and he seems downright amused. Granted, the mask makes it very hard for you to know.

"I apologize. This is a new experience for me." She sighs, releasing your hand in order to stretch. You focus on her scary brother while she does so, mostly to distract yourself. He's so... Cool looking. Scary and intimidating, totally, but cool as hell all the same.

You have to wonder what kind of club he's gotta go to in order to get blood, what with that rockstar hair of his. You sort of doubt he'd fit into the ritzy bar you met Fury at.

Wonder what her other siblings look like...

"What will you do?" Death asks suddenly, his voice dry. He keeps his eyes on you all the while, and you try not to fidget.

Fricken Vampires

You sort of zone out while they discuss the pro's and con's of you being here, extremely aware of how very late it is when the three of you all settle down into chairs. _Note to self: working a full shift isn't a good idea when you're low on blood._

Its also way past your designated bed time, but you guess you can catch up on sleep later. Watching the two Horsemen interact is actually pretty entertaining, so long as Death doesn't look back at you.

He's going to take some getting used to.

 _Eventually_ they move on from discussing yourself to things like missions and something called the Council. Death's eyes seem to get even more glowy when that's mentioned, and you think that must be an emotional thing.

Your eyes are drifting closed by the time they start talking about their other brothers, and Fury laughs when she notices. "Tired, little one?"

"Human." You answer tiredly, glancing around for a nice place to nap. You wonder if you can get away with calling in sick tomorrow. _If_ you can get service here, of course.

You pull out your phone to check the time while Fury responds, "I suppose you could take my room."

"It's like two AM." You don't remember exactly when you left your house, but you're willing to bet it was a while ago. "Natalie's gonna be annoyed."

"Natalie?" Death asks.

"Roommate. She's got morning classes so she-" You yawn. "...Doesn't like me coming home late. Fuckin bat ears." You role your eyes.

He snorts, and you figure that's about as close to a laugh you can get at the moment. "Make sure to keep your human away from Strife. I'm sure he'd love their language."

 _Your human?_ You repeat, glancing over at Fury.

She just laughs and helps you to your feet. "Come along. You may use my bed until sunrise."

"At which point I will be kicked out?" You huff. "I guess it was nice meeting you, Death."

"Likewise." He says. Honestly, you have no idea if he's being sincere or not (and you're too tired to really think it over).

Weird.

Fury leads you over to her room, this time the walk only being a few doors down the hall. You figure the cleaned up rooms are all in the same area. That does beg the question: have they cleaned up a kitchen? You assume, given the castle-like layout, there's several, with at least one main servants kitchen.

Not that you would want to oppose upon _actual fucking vampires_. But it would be nice to hang out with Fury and her family.

...hang out.

Like a bat.

 _Fucking hilarious_ , some part of you hisses despite your smile as you get situated in Fury's bed. Thank goodness she doesn't sleep in a coffin.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks amusedly.

"Puns." You laugh. "Dating a vampire is gonna be fun."

She rolls her eyes, "Don't let War hear you. That one abhors puns."

"The youngest?" You clarify.

"Yes." She perches on the edge of the bed, all prim and proper like. "He is silver haired, and I am certain you will meet him soon enough. He is... Prickly, I suppose is a good word. The one you should be fearful of is Strife."

You raise an eyebrow, "Fearful as in afraid of him or fearful like I should try to avoid him?"

"The latter. As Death said, he may take a liking to you." She roles her eyes.

"Oh? And you don't wanna share?" You tease, shifting closer.

Fury places a hand over her heart, mock offended. "What is you humans say? Dibs? I have dibs."

"I'm a firm believer in the rule of dibs being moot if its not being used." You prompt.

Her eyes shift to complete yellow and her grin is positively feral. "Are you propositioning me, human? And here I thought you could barely keep your eyes open."

You are _definitely_ propositioning her.

* * *

Wandering a castle isn't really part of your morning routine, you are definetely willing to change that. It's even prettier now that you can see better, although the way the windows are situated, high and completey out of view, is rather odd. You suppose it's good for the vampires, although if Fury is anything to go by, they rarely stay up with the sun.

You figured, given Fury's dead tired expression as soon as the sun rose, Death would be sleeping too as you curiously explore the lit up section of the castle.

He's still just where you left him though, this time with a crow perched on his shoulder. He seems unsurprised when you enter, not even bothering to glance up.

"How much paperwork do you need?" You ask, not quite sure if you should sit down.

He completely ignores your original question, only responding, "You would think, being thousands of years old, the other kingdoms would know better by now."

"Fury mentioned you guys being balance keepers." You say lightly, looking at the bird. Is it rude to ask to pet birds? Do birds even like being pet? Would it bite if you tried? _Vampire birds?_

"Fury has been very busy." He answers vaguely. He closes his eyes for a moment, the picture of exhaustion.

"You should sleep." You say, frowning worriedly. You blame your naturally empathetic personality. "Doesn't sunshine make you tired?"

Death gazes lazily up at you, eyes narrowed. "And what? You'll do my work for me?"

He's being ironic, of course, but you nonetheless pull the chair Fury has previously claimed over to the other side of the desk and demand, "Teach me how."


End file.
